Category: Journal – General

There are absolutely no answers or advice in this journal. The only thing I can hope for is that if you are reading this, and you identify with what I’m going through, that you’ve either found peace and stability, or you find some nugget of inspiration from my own efforts to do learn how to fuck the eggshells.

I haven’t found it yet for myself. This journal is just an account of my mental anguish, exposed to the world in the hopes of helping someone else out there not feel so alone. My goal is to learn how to quit tiptoeing around. I want to remember my mantra more often:

Fuck the eggshells!

I also hope to hear how others out there in the world has managed to do just that – and will share their technique with me.

---

If you just landed on this page…

---

Back to the journal entry…

My inability to quit reacting to his reactions or behaviors drives me insane. Leaving isn’t the answer. But if he lets me know he’s done, then I’ll happily leave. I may leave in the end if I feel that I’m done at some point. But it won’t fix whatever is wrong with me, and I need to find a solution so I don’t end up doing this to myself until I die.

I have to find a way to center, whether he’s happy or not, and I need to regulate my emotions without checking everyone else’s emotional states first. It shouldn’t depend on anyone else. It should depend on my self. And I want to be able to be centered even when the world is burning down around me.

It doesn’t mean I wont’ have emotions. But I do intend to gleefully fuck the eggshells at some point, lol.

---